Are you a New Year’s Resolution person? I used to be. Then I became a goals person. I still am. I love mapping out big goals and elaborate plans that then overwhelm me into paralysis. So I scrap the goals and beat myself up.
This year, I took a different approach. The last three years have been hard on my mental and physical health. I didn’t sleep. I ate to replenish the energy that I didn’t get from sleep. I worked from home. My step count dropped from 8-10K a day to maybe 4K. My mild anxiety and depression bloomed into full-blown nonfunctional depression and crippling anxiety.
Last year, I dove headfirst into trauma healing and therapy. I focused on healing my brain and heart. I found a bit more confidence and a lot of healing. I set important boundaries for myself and others. I worked to heal my relationship with disordered eating and body image.
Then in November, I got smacked in the face with a health diagnosis I knew was coming.
Diabetes. I’d been on the cusp of having gestational diabetes with both pregnancies. My blood sugar levels have always been high. But with the combination of extra stress, no sleep, little movement, and a healing diet, my body took a beating.
Normally, a diagnosis like this would send me into a tailspin. And I did mentally revert to the need to severely restrict calories and wondered for a bit if I could still work up the nerve to start purging again. But this time, I was armed with more knowledge about intuitive eating and how the body processes and NEEDS carbs and fat in order to properly use protein and function. I started researching diabetes and found a HAES dietician to work with. (@nashvillenutritionpartners is phenomenal if you’re wondering)
I learned the new research about diabetes goes against what we’ve always been told. It was absolutely liberating.
I’m still learning to navigate everything, but I’ve used this diagnosis and I’ve used it to reframe the way I look at goals. For 2023, I am taking it 3 months at a time. This first quarter, I’m working on establishing new routines that fit my needs and help fulfill the things I need more of – sleep, stress management, and joyful movement.
I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m giving myself grace.