Sometimes, I get completely overwhelmed when I start to think about some of the things I have to do – work, family, life, etc. I start to dwell and worry about all the ten thousand what-ifs. What if I don’t know what I am doing? What if they don’t like me? What if I can’t answer their questions? What if I let my boss/husband/son/friends down? I used to allow myself to get so lost and so caught up in those what-ifs that I didn’t do half the things I wanted to do.
I left fear and self-doubt control me because I lacked the confidence to push ahead and push past the noise.
I once intentionally bombed a job interview because it was on the 21st floor and the elevator ride up and down terrified me. Yep.
A few years ago, I was invited to cover a fashion event as a blogger – a HUGE opportunity. I left halfway through and never covered it because I was too scared to talk to people and felt like an outsider. I blew it because I let fear get in the way of me.
I could probably list at least a hundred other examples of how I let my fears get in the way of my success. But, as I have started to work on me and have become actively engaged in personal development, I am learning how to let go of that fear and anxiety and move past it.
How?
First, by realizing that I am not alone. When I was at that fashion event, I wasn’t the only person there solo. As I stood alone in the corner, someone else was likely doing the same thing. I didn’t seek them out and start making conversation. Had I realized this at the time, I could have come in prepared to ask questions and make conversation. Instead, I made the whole thing about me and how I felt personally, when I wasn’t even there as me – I was there as Girl In Nashville.
Then, think about why you are there or why you need to do something. Remember your purpose and your passion. If the thought of doing something terrifies you, focus on the outcome. My new job is in an office building and I have to take the elevator now … and even scarier (at least for me), I have to take an elevator in the parking garage. That’s two elevators, twice a day. But, this job was the opportunity I had been waiting for and had I turned it down due to my elevator fear, I’d still be stuck, spinning my wheels. The purpose far outweighed the fear.
Next, don’t take it personally. Most people are so lost in themselves that they are likely unaware of how they might make you feel. Very rarely do people act out of spite (sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, they are just not aware). And, if something really bothers you, speak up. Don’t continue to make yourself miserable.
My last piece of advice is to not make it about you. If being front and center makes you nervous, turn it around. Make the conversation about them – ask questions, listen and then ask follow up questions. I hate talking about myself, so this was the perfect way to shift the focus away from me. Bonus: it makes other people feel comfortable and appreciated when you actively seek to get to know them.
You don’t have to take drastic measures to get out of your comfort zone, do it little by little.
That said, I will still divert to the long way on my walk into work if there is a pigeon in the alley.